Truth

by Connie on March 9, 2012

What a loaded word.

“Tell the truth.” “You can’t handle the truth.” “The truth will out.” “Truth is stranger than fiction.” One Google query brings more options for truth quotes, to tell you the truth, than I can handle.

As I launch this next phase of my journey and ponder what to share in this initial blog, I keep hearing my heart say, speak your truth. My truth is rooted in my belief that what I have to say matters to me. I have no control over how these words land out there in the world, but me allowing my truths to wander out into this world brings me to life. I spent a lot of years trying to ignore, sideline, eat away, and avoid my truths. Well, that didn’t work well, but thankfully the journey landed me right here…much more present.

At times, I ended up either bulimic or very overweight; at times, I lied to please others or soften the blow of how truth might land; at times I sold out my truth to buy someone else’s, because mine seemed scary or they seemed wiser; at times, when the truth fell out of the closet, I fought to shove it back in before it cluttered the room; at times, I lived a life of fiction hoping the truth would never be real; and at times, well a whole lot of times, I hid.

When my Mom ran the local Girls Club back in the 60’s, she began her mornings behind a beautiful oak desk in the front room of a donated southern mansion. The neighborhood had changed. The rich people had left, but they provided space for care and nurturing of the girls, that back then, didn’t have a safe place to play. Each morning, one of my Mom’s greatest joys occurred when this little 5-year-old girl came through her door first thing and hollered (that’s a bit louder than yelling), “Mrs. Burnett, HERE I IS!!!!!”

So world, HERE I IS. Me. Out of hiding; crying, remembering, and laughing as I write; feeling a bit vulnerable, but willing to play; ridiculously protected by love; and still working “my stuff” everyday.

There has been a waterfall of truth in my life lately. I have 6 first cousins and a kind aunt this week that I did not know about last week. Four days ago I let go of my desire to create my website, because playing small felt safer, but then clarity came and I realized this space is for me and for you.

Life is a bundle of emotions that will roll in and out effecting us whether we choose to feel them or not. Life can tickle us like the sound of a child’s first bout of uncontrollable laughter. Life can call us forward or drop trees on a house in an instant. I became a “life debris removal specialist”, because when we dust ourselves off, step back on our true path again, and can feel our light shine a little brighter we are more alive.

Step one for me was not only speaking my truth, but offering truth a cup of tea, inviting her to sit with me and tell me what she knows. It’s amazing how much wisdom there is inside of each of us. So from my friend truth and me, sitting here in my den in Tennessee, I invite you to join me on the journey deeper into what is real. Have you sat with your truth lately?

“You will never find yourself until you face the truth.” Pearl Bailey

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Curiosity

by Connie on February 8, 2011

I was shocked first thing this morning. New sensations surged through my body ever so slowly until running out of room and slipping on out through the tips of my toes. Wide awake and reverent, I felt shocked, stood there shocked, wondering if any part of me would soon short out.

Energy, a day of energy between roles and positions keeping me a bit guarded. The air now alive with lightening and thunder rollicks through my security daring me to stay in the game. Sacred spaces drenched in awareness of change. Cold nights, varying days melting away into energy.

Pouring sounds alive, as trees shake with the glory of power and speak boldly to me. “You stay inside, fearful one, while I stand with the forest and feel the beauty of life. You stay safe, little one, while I lift my branches up into the clouds releasing what weighs them down. My leaves receive their tears and bow to their hurried need to fall furiously to the soil embraced one by one joining in the dance. Gathered at the stream, they flow.”

Energy, powerful force, almighty drenching stirs me to my soul as fearful self says, “Run, hide! Safe, get safe and miss this moment. Miss the pounding of the leaves, the cymbals in the sky, and retreat to what you already know.” Still, I sit. Riding the waves of power pounding around me cleansing the air and opening into new space I have not met before.

A swell of love fills this space as I rest and write and stop to remember to breathe. Hair stands on end as the air thickens around me. I will not run.

Feeling the energy, I begin to unwrap myself, expose my fears, surrender to the moment and say here have all of me. Trapped for too long in a corral too small, controlled by my logic, imprisoned by worry, I bravely sprinted from split rail to split rail looking to the other side. No fences out there. Too scary, I did not dare. My corral I know so well. From corner to corner I have built a reality in a world where I can win, but truly it’s become my without spirit place filled with comfort, knowing, boredom, and pain.

Energy, this energy around me shakes up the world and says, “Hey, pay attention. THIS is your life. Notice me. Be aware of you. Let your self flow forth in the stream I have just spilled so wildly, so sweetly, before you.

In that moment, I remembered words I’d heard earlier…”Throw your heart over the fence…your self will follow.” So today without fanfare I take my heart and fling it into the energy of what’s on the other side.

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Beyond Knowing

January 9, 2009

Move beyond knowing Where lives not the unknown, But instead faith, trust, and instinct. Move beyond knowing Into space without reason. Fenceless playgrounds with boundless limits. Move beyond knowing Into mindless freedom. A place for all thought. A playground for the mind. ArrayArrayArrayArray

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